Harry Baron seems to be of the school of thinking that one should talk with the arm of one’s sunglasses in one’s mouth in order to look sexy.
He’s wrong. It simply interferes with what you’re trying to say and makes you sound like you’ve got a speech impediment.
He’s dropping Liv off on a street corner after an afternoon of driving around Chelsea in his sports car, revving the engine at every given opportunity and generally irritating people sitting in their living rooms in the neighbouring houses trying to do their Sudokus.
Ella reveals that Julius sung her a Swedish lullaby the other night, which is a bit creepy, let’s be honest. She then gets a phone call from Harry who invites her – and Julius – to ‘his country house’.
No-one saw THAT coming, after last week’s spat in which Julius warned Harry to stay away from his woman.
Jamie and Sam are friends again, and to prove it he brings him a bunch of hydrangeas. If Sam were Madonna he’d say he loathed them.
Posh Danniella Westbrook has a confession to make. She has invited Tina to Harry’s party in the country.
To recap, Tina was aforementioned last week, named and shamed as the girl Jamie ‘fondled and kissed’ behind Frankie’s back.
It turns out she’s best buds with Posh Danniella Westbrook and is now tagging along for good measure (having not won Love Island in 2016). Liv points out that this isn’t such a big problem given that neither Jamie nor Frankie are invited to the party.
Meanwhile, Sam invites Jamie to the party – obviously.He does this after they make Frankie cry by laughing at her sad sad misfortune, leaving her to flee in desperation to the nearest ladies’ toilet.
Normally on MIC, when a scene happens at someone’s house, it says ‘Binky’s House’ or ‘Jamie’s Apartment’ or ‘Posh Danniella Westbrook’s Caravan’ at the bottom of the screen.
But when we get to Harry’s country home, it does NOT say that. It in fact says ‘Mears Ashby Hall’.
A quick Google search will tell you that Mears Ashby Hall is ‘a large country house for parties’ followed by ‘we want you to feel that whether you’re here for an evening, a weekend or longer, Mears Ashby Hall is truly your home.’
It would seem that Harry has taken this a bit too literally and convinced himself he owns it.
Tina arrives and before long a game of ‘suck and blow’ ensues. However, Julius retires to bed at 7:30PM, complaining of a headache, leaving Ella at the mercy of Harry.
She is intercepted by him as she wanders one of the hallways looking at the various portraits that Harry is telling everyone are of his ancestors.
‘You look stunning, beautiful, pretty,’ Harry tells her, having made use of the complimentary Thesaurus that guests are presumably provided with during their stay. He then FORCES Ella to say she fancies him.
Elsewhere, Jamie arrives and addresses the elephant in the room AKA Tina. They have a giggle and a flirt, he then force-feeds her champagne and Liv watches on in disgust. She then sends the Bat Signal into the sky so that Frankie is aware of what’s going on. Frankie is so distraught she hangs up on Liv and weeps into her cosmopolitan.
Mimi has finally lured Fred into having a date with her. He tells her he can’t actually speak Icelandic, consequently shattering her dreams of one day being bi-lingual.
She goes running with Toff the next day and complains that Fred likes to take things slowly and that she’s getting frustrated and impatient because of it. To be fair, she has been trying to entwine herself amoung his long blonde locks for five episodes now and he’s not so much as grazed her breast.
Julius and Fred have got their matching bowling T-shirts on and hit the lanes with Ella. Ella tells Julius about Harry’s flirting in the hallway of deception. She informs him that she merely humoured his advances and that she most certainly did not giggle like a coquettish nun.
Everyone goes to a party. Fred decides to make the rounds and makes peace with Liv. She responds by literally calling him ‘Fred’ ninety times. Yes, it’s his name, but we don’t need that.
He then mugs off Mimi and she is left looking crestfallen as she realises her attempts have been fruitless and she’ll need to find a new storyline.
Harry tells Sam that Ella was ‘on about having feelings for me’ and leaves out the rest of that sentence (which is ‘because I forced her to’).
Julius then goes to have a word with him, under the guise of saying thank you for inviting him to the party that he went to bed at 7:30 at. Harry is sure to tell Julius his warped version of what really happened.
Frankie blames Liv for bringing Tina into her life, even though it wasn’t her it was the producers. She then goes over and calls Tina a s**t for allowing Jamie to decanter Moet & Chandon down her throat.