The boys are swinging kettle bells around Battersea Park, in order to expel JP’s frustration towards Ollie and to assert Akin’s masculinity for he is new to the cast. He is also wearing miniature shorts. “If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” he says. Hmmmm. Not sure you’ve actually “got it” Akin…

There’s a bitch brunch going on between Olivia Bentley, Tiff and Frankie. These three are like the girls from Mean Girls but without the desire to either like or hate them. They slag off Toff and Jess – who are, meanwhile, caressing lacy pants in a shop with that new girl (Emily?)


You know what – forget all this. All that matters right now is Fredrik Ferrier is back in town. He’s having his hair done, he’s lifting up Francis with his large masculine arms and he’s just hilarious without having to try. He has decided to embark on a music career, thanks to his past as a music scholar/choir boy. He has merged drum and bass with pop and classical and I for one can’t wait to add this to my Spotify playlist as SOON as it’s released.

Jamie and Jess set Mytton and Emily up by luring them to a bar and running off. Mytton tells Emily that he doesn’t mind being single but that he needs a cuddle buddy. Irish Nicola must be turning in her grave (don’t worry, she’s not dead).


JP sends Binky a presumptuous text TELLING her that she WILL join him on a picnic tomorrow and he WILL be round to pick her up. But no, no, no. The Felsteads aren’t having any of that. As JP rings the doorbell, all back-packed up and raring to go, Janey answers the door and has a stern word on the doorstep. In a strangely edited moment, she appears to call JP a hunter, before breezing over that one and telling him that Binky just needs time and space. He then leaves to presumably eat the baguette that I assume is shoved inside that pack-back.

Julius runs into Toff and Jess and defends Olivia for not inviting them to her party, calling her “pure and good”. Toff’s face says it all really. She then informs him she doesn’t like his tone, and Jess calls him a bitch. Julius, you ARE a bitch. A singing bitch! There’s only one singing bitch on this show and that’s Fredrik Ferrier, damn you!


On a roof somewhere, Ollie and JP are having a sleeveless top-off. JP is winning.

At Olivia Bentley’s parents’ house, Julius is giving Binky the glad-eye from across the lawn. Mytton and Emily emerge from a box hedge. Mytton then tells Frankie that Jess said she hasn’t got any brain cells. Frankie is all “I’ve done a degree! What’s she done?” Um, Frankie, you have NOT! You were only doing your A-Levels last summer and have deferred your university education to be on Made In Chelsea, so shut your lying face.


Later on – Julius is SINGING! He’s one of these that closes his eyes and practically sucks on the microphone. He also has a red keyboard. As this is going on, Fred and Francis are scaling the grounds via the nearby hillock. Francis surprises Olivia Bentley and gives her a painting which she doesn’t seem that fussed about but sticks her tongue down his throat anyway.


JP and Binky chat and she agrees to spend time with him, which makes him smile like a small boy seeing Santa for the first time at the local Wyvale garden centre.

Next week’s predictions: Julius Julius Julius Ollie Binky JP Julius!

– A

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