Toff’s going to an interview. “Are you hiring?” asks Mark Francis, because naturally she isn’t the one BEING interviewed for a *gulp* job?! In actual fact she IS looking for employment and has got herself an interview at The Lady magazine. Mark Francis thinks she should kill the editor, take over and name it The Georgia. Not The Toff because no-one likes a one-syllabled name.


So JP and Binky have broken up. I actually already knew this weeks ago but I kept my mouth and legs shut on the matter. The issue is that JP seems to blame it on one thing and Binky on another. But JP tells James and Lucy that he hates Binky! He doesn’t really, he is angry at the world right now, it’s okay everyone.


Olivia Bentley is introduced to new boy Matt and Rosie informs him that she was “guessing  his girth” at last week’s party, whilst holding a baguette! It’s terribly childish and very inappropriate. Oh and Olivia Bentley – are you STILL here? Piss off with your baguette and shove it up your Jahova.

Of Jess, Jamie says he “doesn’t trust the chick”. Meanwhile, Jess is saying the same of Jamie to Frankie who keeps saying that Jamie’s infidelity is “dark”. She obviously learned a new word.


Ollie, Steph and Binky discuss the implications of flippant inebriated kissing. “Once I’ve had six tequilas I’m kissing the doorman,” reasons Steph. Aren’t we all love? Sometimes even the bathroom attendant.

James – being the BFF of JP (the JPBFF if you like) – is FUMING with Binky. The insults are positively flying. Insults like “JP’s like a teacher and Binky wants to go and have a fag behind the bus shelter!” #harsh


Now, this is actually sad, so sad, it’s a sad sad situation, so rather than dissect poor old Binky and JPs emotional talk let’s just go on BubbaWatch, which is a bit like SpringWatch but with the word “Bubba” instead of weasels and great tits.


1) Hey Bubba
2) I just got to the point, Bubba, where things became too predictable
3) Bubba, it’s not been forgotten
4) Bubba, I want you to party
5) Bubba, this is exactly what I’m talking about
6) I look at the bigger picture Bubba
7) I just find, Bubba, it’s just like when you do these things you loose the control
8) Yes Bubba but that’s normal
9) Don’t feel like it’s control; it’s love Bubba
10) There’s nothing more I can do Bubba

11) I can’t forgive you for this Bubba

Herein ends #BubbaWatch for this week.


At The Lady, Toff turns up for her interview and her jacket’s got a massive rip in it. Not quite what The Lady have in mind, Toff. She redeems herself by saying “lovely tea set” though so it’s fine. The editress is the type to wear a neckerchief. She explains that The Lady is England’s longest running weekly mag and that its been running since 1885 and didn’t even stop going to print during World Wars I & II, which surely says a lot about how ridiculous the British upper classes can be. What were the articles at the time? How to accessorise your gas mask with that feminine flourish!?


Oh a gig for a band no-one’s heard of before. There hasn’t been one of these on MIC for ages. Binky doesn’t go because the last thing she needs right now is to sit through a shit band (or bump into JP).

Mark Francis hugs Olivia Bentley which is quite the even given that he “hasn’t hugged in years”. He also reveals that he doesn’t like bush. We know that Mark. You’re into a nice trellis these days.


Because the music is so bad, the only other thing left to do is argue with each other, so Jess and Jamie have a row about the Frankie situation and how Jess shouldn’t have stuck her oar in and Jamie shouldn’t have been a whore; and JP has a go at Wheeze and Rosie for being bad lifelong friends to Binky.

Oh #Bubba


Next week’s predictions: In all seriousness, JP and Binky need to get back together in a timely fashion because I’m feeling a bit like a child of divorce right about now.

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