Home

Ollie wants to take Tiff up the Shard. Rosie doesn’t care or want to hear about how he’s romancing a Watson given Lucy’s past interference in the Tiff/Rosie/intern situation. She tells Ollie that the Shard is too good for Tiff and that bowling will have to do instead.

At lunch with Mummy Janie, JP calls Binky a twat. To make things weirder, Irish Nicola joins them for some Ask Mummy Felstead advice. She has barely even managed to fondle a breadstick before her tears begin to leak onto the Fortnum’s tablecloth. Mytton and her are still on the rocks.  JP remains silent while Binky rips Mytton to verbal tatters and Janie provides some pearls of wisdom. “It’s just an old bird’s view,” she says. Stop that, Janie! Bite your advice-giving, life-saving tongue.

12395077_10153299198445754_623033862_n

Sam is struggling because Wheeze has gone to New York to start the long process of saving her relationship with Alik (for a whole week). Whilst flinging bread at ducks, he tells Toff that he and Tiff have reconnected genitally. The next day, he explains, he kicked her out, to do the walk of shame like a Dickensian whore.

Jamie enquires as to whether Mytton cheated on Irish Nicola. “Not in Ibiza, no,” comes the cleverly worded response. Mytton then meets her and tells her that the problem they have is that they love each other. Okay.

12386499_10153299198430754_739787422_n

At bowling, Ollie’s got two massive balls between his legs. He treats Tiff to some lane-side champagne which, frankly, is a massive waste of money, time, effort and grape. She ain’t interested in your massive balls, Ollie.

JP continues to speak freely around Binky, this time at dinner with Lucy and James. Lucy is NOT impressed when he uses the phrase “lips moving, still talking” circa Monica from “Friends” when she wants to make babies rather than jam.

12395060_10153299200550754_215289269_n

Sam’s got issues eating Nando’s because he is in love with Tiff, despite chucking her out of the house post-coitus. He bumps into Lucy and James. Lucy doesn’t want to hear it. Sam does a lot of twitching and sniffing and can’t keep still, as if he is a cold-turkey drug mule. He enlists Mark Francis to help him buy flowers for Tiff. Mark Francis thinks a telegram would be better, then realises this isn’t 1926. Ollie arrives, also buying for Tiff. When this little revelation comes out, Mark Francis loves it. It’s unlike him to indulge in petty drama but he is relishing this like a politician relishes a nice hog roast.

12387970_10153299198455754_75812933_n

Whilst shopping for furnishings for Binky’s new flat, Lucy can’t stop staring at JP. Perhaps this is because of the smudge he seems to have on his lip. Binky later bumps into Mytton who isn’t pleased with her slagging him off to Irish Nicola. By way of a cheap shot he says that “it’s weird watching JP not want to spend time with you,” just to fuck up someone else’s relationship for the hell of it.

12395361_10153299202140754_1263627643_n

The singer they all go to see must be cool because he’s kept his filth-ridden Glastonbury wristbands on. Jess tries to take a selfie but I think its set to video (how embarrassing) and Tiff tells Ollie that they should probably just be friends. Sam then takes this opportunity to declare his love, as he twitches and shakes like a nervous terrier. Tiff tells him she can’t tell him what she thinks right now (because she needs to wait for the season finale and do it in front of some sort of fairy-lit stone staircase outside a Berkshire-based manor house, as happens every year with someone).

12387758_10153299199505754_740621355_n

Next week’s predictions: Because its Christmas, there’ll be an ice-skating scene, an orchestrated mass dinner party, a romantic declaration (incorporating an owl, apparently) and someone will get their muff out (of mothballs (to wear (because it’s cold))).

– A

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s