What’s the situation here? I really don’t understand it.
Ollie and Binky are visiting a race-track where a blonde woman is burning rubber (not literally). Her name is Emma, and Ollie is all a-titter over her. It transpires that he is in some sort of romantic entanglement with her, despite the fact that he seems frightened of her, she doesn’t really acknowledge him and there is approximately -0.992% chemistry between them.
Back to that later.

Mark Francis is taking Toff up the Tite Street. She is also all a-titter. She has also found someone to love and adore. “But has he inherited yet?” asks Mark Francis, which really is the only thing that matters here. We were all thinking it, Marky.


Steph is telling Wheeze and Rosie about Harney and how she “thinks he’s a freak right now”. Wheeze points out that she did geography with him. Who DIDN’T you do geography with, Wheeze?

Tiff hasn’t moved since last week from her position on the sofa. Nor has she wiped her mascara. She also doesn’t know what the term “cardinal sin” means. She is whining to Lucy about Sam and his new set of teeth. And by whining, I mean this:

A little more light is shed on this odd Emma girl who has matieralised from thin air as Ollie’s apparent squeeze. Apparently she and Ollie are snogging and dry humping and he’s taken her up the OXO. Binky then goes on the hunt for Emma’s opinion of Ollie by following her to the gym and mounting the neighbouring exercise bike. Basically, Emma’s not feeling it, we can all tell.

Harney takes a far from enthusiastic Steph on a date that doesn’t involve a long racket and flying balls. It is literally the best date ever to be seen on MIC since Spenny asked Kimberley Garner if she still possessed her chastity. By “best” I mean “worst” date, obvs. Steph says she’s already eaten and Harney is all “we will just have some snacks”. Presumably he’s planning on force-feeding them to her. He then tells her in detail about how he used to only go out on a Friday, but now he goes out on a Saturday too. I’m sure it’s all she can do to stop herself jumping him right there.


Ollie takes Emma fishing and shows her how to cast his rod. It becomes apparent that they spend 80% of their time together arguing about Ollie’s levels of manliness. Not the best sign in a heterosexual coupling. There’s also a bit of role reversal going on given that he’s wearing skimpy pink shorts and she’s dressed like the killer from Urban Legend.


Rosie has decided that she needs an intern. Here we go again with the fucking interns. Why does everyone in this show either want an intern or want to be an intern? Interning is shit. Plus, Rosie, what do you actually do? Anyway, she’s asking Richard Dinan for advice. Yes, he’s back (sans Kimberley Garner). Turns out he’s the man Toff fancies. I also suspect he has indeed inherited.

Whilst out running, Mytton asks Harney about the date with Steph and Harney plays down the fact that it was one of the worst things ever to happen on Earth.

Binky is filling Wheeze and Rosie in about Ollie and Emma. She tells them that Emma gets more revvvv from training for her racing license. Rosie isn’t having any of it, and gets right down to slagging off Emma for using Ollie for dinners and dry hump activity.

Millie needs to really get a storyline lest she is axed, so she decides to start telling everyone that Sam has no right to be angry with Tiff because he also cheated on her. Whilst checking out a pub that Clive Watson is adding to his property portfolio, Lucy and Tiff run into Millie and learn of this indiscretion. They are shocked to their very core.


Tallulah’s back and she’s brought with her BRIGITA! Whilst barging through the people at the bar, Tallulah bumps into Harney and James. James is disgusted to see Brigita given that they have met before and she said “I’m going to fuck you tonight” to him. This of course pricks up Harney’s prick – sorry, ears – and he goes and asks her out, in the same clumsily horrendous way he navigated through his date with Steph.


Talking of Steph, she’s giving Richard the glad-eye at Ollie’s dinner party, much to Toff’s aggravation. Ollie does a really embarassing toast, which Spenny interrupts wearing too much Fake Bake. Ollie then makes a mental note to have whoever did the seating chart fired given that they have sat Spenny next to Emma. He then chats her up, while Steph does the same with Richard by discussing the fact that they have both lost pets to cancer.


Millie tells Jamie that she doesn’t actually know who Sam has allegedly cheated on Tiff with, despite her stating earlier in the episode that this mystery woman is one of her closest friends. Nice friendship. Then the Watsons descend upon Sam and get all up in his face, which seemingly dislodges Sam’s new teeth forcing him to only talk out the side of his mouth.

Next week’s predictions: Sam goes to the dentist, Rosie goes to the intern clinic and Steph and Richard go to the pet mortician.


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