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MIC are in LA. Last summer they were in NYC. This year it’s LA. Next year it’ll probably be The OC. The year after it’ll be MIC (Washington) DC. The year after probably MIC PMT.

It’s just like The Hills. Lots of shots of smoggy freeways and browning palm fronds and people that look like Justin Beiber strolling along in shorts that are too long.

In case you’ve missed that they’re in LA, the first 3 minutes of the show features the likes of Jamie and Stephanie continually screaming phrases along the lines of: “We’re in LA” “Welcome to LA” “Oh my god, I hope LA is ready for you guys” and “I can’t believe you guys are in LA”

Have you got that readers? They’re in LA. No, not LE or MA – El Ayy!

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JP and Jamie are running around the hills, stopping at the odd strategically placed ledge to admire the views. It’s here that they “bump into” Naz and Tara. No, not Tara of Claudia Winkleman Season 5 fame, this one’s an American one (although she basically looks the same as the other one, just with an accent and probably a hint more of a personality). Obvs Jamie gets his flirting powder out and blows it all over the girls. The Americans do a decent job of retaining the LA stereotype by asking the question “Oh, are you not from here?” Then they invite these two strangers that they met 28 seconds ago to a pool party.

What do we think Naz is short for? Nazrani? Nazeera? Nazerrina? Nazi?

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Meanwhile the girls have arrived from London on a regular old 777 but have got into a private jet to drive them across the runway for added effect. Steph greets them from a limo. Jess has come on the trip, which is a bit of a downer. She still talks as if she’s got a tea strainer inserted loosely between her teeth. In the limo we establish that she and Jamie haven’t really spoken all summer, that Binky and JP are just sort of flirty flirty, that Alik is still in New York salvaging his father’s failing leather business and that Steph and Josh are just still as loved up as a couple of beavers in a woollen basket.

The girls invite themselves to the pool party of the girls they’ve never met. Mytton is there, sans Irish Nicola. It’s not quite clear what’s going on with them – they’re together still, but needed time apart. Whatever. Alex is clearly frustrated sexually as he is sucking on the ends of his sunglasses as if he were an alcoholic and the glasses are a wedge of lemon left over from a scotch with a twist.

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Josh notes that LA is a fun place to be single. *gasp* Steph’s eye begins to twitch.

Mark Francis and Toff are over in Beverly Hills shopping. He has taken his mission to educate her over the pond. It seems that he has purchased 16 new pairs of trousers already, which is obscene. Obscenely fabulous.

Back at the party of the people none of them know, Jamie’s throwing himself into the water at odd angles like he does whenever he’s around a swimming pool. There’s a long haired blonde boy there, who I swear is Fredrik Ferrier (if only). Naz is in a quandary – she fancies JP physically but doesn’t like his personality; and she finds Jamie hilarious but is repulsed by him sexually. Nonetheless, Jamie asks her out on a date and she accepts, much to the chagrin of Jess who is upset over by the marble balustrade.

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Mark Francis takes Toff to a cemetery. She leaves.

Binky and JP have a little chit chat. She tells him that Naz is blind (because she fancies JP, not because Binky is anti-blind people).

Back at the cemetery, Mark Francis is approached by a woman called Olivia and, I’m sorry, but they totally flirt. I suspect that this will lead to a Mark Francis/Victoria type coupling but wouldn’t it be wonderful if these two suddenly just started shagging on Cecil B DeMille’s grave!

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Jess interrupts Jamie and Naz’s bants, ultimately scaring Naz off (well done) and establishing the fact that Jess has ignored Jamie for weeks and that he’s clearly bitter. It is also established that Jess needs to get her roots done, but that’s just my observation rather than something that is talked about.

The next day, Toff takes Jess running and they bump into Dakota Fanning’s stunt double and his (yes, his) friend. The word “holler” is overused and it all results in them setting up dates. Jess is back on the horse. AND she’s meeting men again.

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There’s a shot of the ocean and Fredrik Ferrier can be seen again, this time surfing.

It also happens to be Binky’s birthday. Mark Francis gives her flowers, JP gives her a chicken jalfrezi. JP and Binky do seem to have developed a closer relationship as they each call one another “Ba” now. Ba ba black sheep, have you any wool?

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Next week’s predictions: Toff will go on a date with Dakota Fanning’s stunt double and he’ll demonstrate that Dakota Fanning herself would probably have been a better choice for a date; Binky and JP will eat each other’s chicken jalfrezi; Victoria will arrange to have Olivia killed; Fredrik Ferrier will be spotted ab-seiling down the Hollywood sign.

AND GABRIELLA’S BACK! LET’S PRAISE THE LORD FOR THIS BY LISTENING TO “HOLLER” BY THE SPICE GIRLS, IN HONOUR OF DAKOTA FANNING’S STUNT DOUBLE’S OVER-USAGE OF THIS WORD.

– A

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One thought on “MIC LA E1: “Naz? Isn’t that a rapper?”

  1. Pingback: MIC LA E3: “Let’s close out the yoga class with Yogi Bhajan’s words” | Drew Drawls…

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