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 First thing’s first: I am very excited to share the first interview I have shot for this site, as part of my new web series “Andrew and…” I’m even more excited to be able to say that it’s with MIC-er Sophie Hermann. I could not have asked for a better first interviewee, as you’ll see from the video. Part 1 can be found by clicking here or by scrolling to the bottom of today’s blog (make sure you still read the MIC recap though, obvs). Check out the “Andrew and…” page where there’s more about the chat series which we are currently in the throws of producing (Binky’s Mum is appearing soon) and keep an eye out for Part 2 (and beyond) of “Andrew and…Sophie Hermann” which will be out next week.

 

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The quote used on this week’s title card is a quote from Millie! New, horrible, mannish looking vile Millie. Sack whichever edit producer made THAT decision.

Binky is telling Steph that Lauren has been a bitch about the Steph/Josh relationship issues that were going on last week (when Josh wouldn’t let Steph into their apartment unless she’d been through a metal detector and ionic cleanser on entry). But she’s being a bit vague about it all, basically placing enough doubt into Steph’s mind without being too overt. “I can’t remember the context,” Binky says of the alleged bitch sesh. This sentence could easily be the tagline for MIC. No-one can ever remember the context of anything on this show (even though they actualy can) and yet it never stops anyone from talking about potentially antagonistic stuff. So basically the show should actually be called:

Made In Chelsea:

I can’t remember the context

 

Spenny has finally forced Lauren out of his home and into her own separate dwellings. But she is still smugly announcing that she is allowed to have a key to Spenny’s house. Um, so you’ve been living there for like 2 months Lauren and you are not already in possession of a key? Not being funny but how have you been able to get in and out when Spenny’s been out shagging around?

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With reference to the horrid horrid new cast members, Wheeze says “who is this girl?” when discussing Jess with Andy. Yeah Wheeze, exactly. At least she’s not been pretending that she knows her like everyone else in the cast.

Speaking of, Jess is at the barbershop with mannish Millie. They are talking about how Andy was very forward when he tried to kiss Jess on their date, and that she went red. Sorry, but are you 11? Mannish Millie then says “the more you date him, the more he might grow feelings for you that you’re not growing” as if “feelings” are prize courgettes being reared in Jess’s greenhouse. Since when do you grow feelings? You develop them Millie you tit.

Uma Thurman bumps into Andy and practically creams herself.

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Since moving in with Jamie and Proudlock, Alik has put on a couple of pounds and is happy to sit at home and read. Wow, they’re desperate for storylines this season, no? Wheeze voices her concerns about this to Steph and so they take him out wine tasting. Alik detects bark in the wine. Then he barks. You can see devastation dawning in Wheeze’s eyes as she realises that Alik isn’t funny (even though he kind of is). Josh then calls Lauren (who isn’t there) a bitch. Josh, she wouldn’t be slagging your relationship off if you’d have just let Steph put her toothbrush in the glass next to yours rather than insist she keep it in a sealed tupperware box on top of the airing cupboard.

This ghastly double date is taking place between Andy, Mytton, Irish Nicola and Prudish Jess. During it, Uma Thurman texts Andy like a total whore. Jess sees this and announces that she and Uma Thurman are best friends, despite the fact that they’ve yet to be seen in the same scene together. At the end of the date, Jess kisses Andy just to fuck everyone’s feelings around for the hell of it.

Spenny seems to have developed a streak in his hair. He looks like a panic victim.

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During rugby in the park, the camera zooms in on Andy’s crotch. Two women, kissing on second dates, crotch-shots? It would seem MIC are trying to sexualise Andy who has, up until this point, been portrayed as an asexual.

Jess and mannish Millie meet up with Uma Thurman who is bitter and insincere when Jess explains that she saw Andy first. These two are NOT best friends. They are as warm to each other as a couple of toothbrushes (not Steph’s because that’s kept in a plastic box above Josh’s combi-boiler).

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Rosie is hosting something at an art show and is looking the best she’s ever looked in an outfit that is very Kylie Minogue. Well done Ro-Ro. She spies Victoria and Lauren across the room and shrewdly observes that “it’s a shame you can’t control plus ones these days”. It’s true you know. You can’t.

Yeah, so, creepy little moment. Uma Thurman and Andy have a flirt whilst admiring a giant painting of two small children. Uma Thurman comments that Andy looks like the little boy. Andy then says that she can be the hot little girl. Yeah, I mean, that’s fucked up.

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Lauren, who is dressed in something I think Twiggy would have worn had she been a regional MP rather than a supermodel, argues with Steph. Steph’s annoyed because Lauren’s still high-fiving people.

Alik doesn’t have anything to do, which is why he isn’t leaving the house. Wheeze tells him that it’s not an attractive trait in one’s boyfriend when all they want to do is sit. Presumably immigration won’t let him get a job? What about his leather selling business in New York? Who’s looking after that?

Jess is annoyed that Andy and Uma Thurman were flirting next to the painting of the small kids. Well, Jess, this is what you get when you play shitty little mind games with boys. It’s also what you deserve when you wear an ill-fitted orange turtleneck on TV.

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Next week’s predictions: The trailer suggests that Jamie and Jess shag but she’s a prude so they’ll probably just touch each other’s index fingers or something; the pink haired girl is coming back, so chances are Twitter will erupt with hatred, like this:

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– A

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