Lord Sugar summons the candidates to the Tate, therefore providing this week’s tenuous link from where they all go to hear about the task to what the task actually is. Apparently the Tate was founded by someone called Sugar, and this week the task is to make a desert. Surely it would have saved the BBC a location fee if they’d all just met a Lord Sugar’s house. NewPicture1_zps824c3084 Last week, Solomon couldn’t get to grips with the word “anatomical”. This week he can’t decipher between camomile and caramel. Roisin, who’s in charge, wants to base her pudding line around tea. Sounds quite nice…but caramel would surely actually be better than camomile, no? Mark Wright is throwing the name “Sweet Pleasure” around, for his team’s brand. I think Mark Wright needs to get the vibrator out when he gets home. Sanjay suggests “A Trifle Different” which is pretty good actually (better than his original suggestion “A Trifle Nice” which is lacklustre to say the least). Daniel has to go and make the dessert with Bianca in a kitchen. He tastes some and says that it doesn’t resemble tea because “obviously I’m uneducated”. Finally, the truth comes out! Daniel didn’t go to school. Epiphany. He then follows the sentence with a quick addition of “uneducated…in tea!” So Katie has this obsession with making a dessert with – of all things – saffron in it. She goes to the kitchen, on her own, to mix up a recipe. She sprinkles saffron into a pan. The whole thing looks like urine-soaked-bile. I actually think urine-soaked-bile would taste nicer than a pudding with saffron in it. The chef she’s working with clearly seems to hate her. Probably because of the recipe she’s making, or more likely because she’s fucking annoying. NewPicture12_zpsaeeb7691 Solomon and Roisin are FLIRTING. They literally need to hump. Roisin – you need to stop that. You’re the PM. Keep your legs together! I’ve been meaning to say this for weeks, but Katie is such a drip. She speaks with such flaccidity that my finger spasms over the mute button on my remote control every time she says anything. She pitches to Asda much like I would imagine a damp fish would pitch to a stubborn clam digger. Needless to say, Asda hate the saffron/custard “pudding”. If Asda hate it, I would suggest Katie’s team skip Waitrose and head straight for Aldi. NewPicture37_zps490f1667 Solomon and Dan are stuck in traffic so call Roisin and Bianca and tell them they will be late for the first pitch. The girls love it because they are sexist. When they eventually get there, Daniel interjects with phrases such as “the whole tea idea really did slap me round the face”. If only tea had ACTUALLY slapped him round the face! Solomon also chimes in suggesting that their pudding is ideal if you’re a student, saying that you can leave it in the fridge for a housemate for after an exam. WTF, Solomon, WTF? Katie and Mark Wright try and sneakily stop Sanjay from doing the pitch. “I think I can just about remember the layers of a trifle,” Sanjay declares. Instead, Mark Wright somehow gets Katie to let him do it, by referring to himself as a “prize stallion”. I vomit in my mouth. It’s the colour of saffron trifle. The other team thinks their pitch has gone well because Solomon is convinced that the woman they were pitching to winked at him. Solomon is literally like an overexcited spaniel. Mark Wright starts his pitch. The first problem is that he opens it by calling the Tesco representatives “guys”. The second problem is that he suddenly seems to become physically ill. He is unable to speak and continually needs to clear his throat, much like he has a piece of gristle wedged in his oesophagus. NewPicture21_zps71fa77f0 In the boardroom, Lord Sugar makes another shit joke – this week it’s something about a chocolate teapot that categorically does not make sense. What’s going on with you Lord S? Karren throws Sanjay under the bus when she announces to the room that he made a snide comment about being glad to have been moved to the other team, so that he can get away from Bianca. Bianca mutters “you’re a joke” as if she’s an embittered divorcee at a custody hearing. RE: the pitch at which Mark Wright was less-prize-stallion and more-sickly-shetland-pony, he explains that for some reason he just “dropped his bundle”. Doesn’t that mean he shit himself? Roisin explains that her tea-infused pudding is aimed at “the grazing consumer”, which Lord S asks if she means a donkey or a goat. It is revealed that Tesco ordered 20,000 units of the tea stuff, so Roisn’s team get to go and have tea on a yacht. Not before she and Solomon indulge in a hug that lingers too much. Also, I find it fishy that they get sent off for afternoon tea. This is suspiciously nicely linked to their tea dessert. Fix! NewPicture25_zps51fdf6e6 The others argue over the packaging of “A Trifle Shite” which involved gingham. Everyone blames everyone else for the design in what will henceforth be known in history as gingham-gate. Lord Sugar then starts picking apart their business ideas, that they ultimately want the £250,000 prize for. Each of them start shouting about how crap the others’ ideas are. Mark Wright is evidently sill ill as he is sweating like a bitch and looks as if he might literally die, face-down on Lord Sugar’s table. The fact that he’s in this state seemingly saves him though, as Katie and Sanjay are both fired. After they are sent out, Mark Wright wipes the sweat from his face and leaves the boardroom to say goodbye to the other two, shaking their hands with his sweaty sweaty hand, consequently providing them with a final “Fuck You!” – A NewPicture28_zpsffa31956


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