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This week the teams get to go to New York. Um, who does The Apprentice think they are? Made In Chelsea?

Solomon wears a pink T-shirt to bed. #justsayin’

At the American Embassy in London, Lord Sugar addresses the contestants via flat-screen, under a very creepy looking photograph of Barak Obama. I once spent 6 hours in that bloody building getting my US 1 year visa. Would’ve been quicker to marry one of the receptionists behind the front desk to be honest.

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FINALLY, the clouds part and the cherubs can stop weeping. Mark Wright takes on the project manager role for his team. His precise words, whilst putting himself forward, are “I’d like to put a firm pole in the drop” (whatever that means). About time too you buck-passing TOWIE-named exiled Australian.

The Bitter Award this week goes, without a second glance, to Sanjay, who doesn’t get to go to NYC and DOES NOT STOP BANGING ON ABOUT IT! My word he’s bitter about it. “We’ve done all the hard work while they’ve been enjoying the in-flight entertainment” he says of the half of his team who get to travel to the states. You never know, Sanjay, it might be that the in-flight system is broken and the only film they can watch is The Princess Diaries 2 on a continual loop. Doubt it, but you just don’t know these things.

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Oh yeah, I should mention that the task is to design a soft drink. Both teams go for energy/healthy drinks which is the wrong approach given that America is the great nation that gave birth to Coke (a-Cola). Bianca, who is the other PM, decides to choose the name Big Dawg for their drink brand. Um…yeah, okay. James thinks its got dragonfly in it – we let him off though, as he’s an idiot. During the episode he is in awe of the fact that the streets in America are straight and he uses the phrase “the world is as big as our oyster”. Oyster’s are quite small actually James you tit.

The teams audition actors to be in their commercials. There’s a flirty girl who auditions for the Big Dawg drink. She’s shit, but pretty, and Solomon and James can’t keep it in their pants. Naturally she gets cast. There is then an inter-continental phone call with Roisin and Bitter Sanjay back in Luton, about the strap line for the brand. Roisin suggests “what kind of dog would you be? A rottweiler? Snoopy?” Their brand essentially makes it sound like the drink is actually the dog version of cat milk, rather than an energy drink for non-canines.

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Lauren attempts an American accent in the other team’s TV advert. She couldn’t be endearing if she skipped around holding a puppy so you can imagine how her accent turns out. It’s a bit of a racially confusing advert as Lauren seems to be mixed race and her Fake Brother and Fake Mother are both whiter than my tumble dryer. Filipe attempts to direct the ad but just starts running around throwing a basketball at people’s faces.

Both teams’ adverts are shit, but the Big Dawg commercial is TRULY appalling because it A) doesn’t have any music and B) has Solomon in it. Squinty Solomon.

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Sanjay and Roisin watch the pitch from the UK, and Sanjay just slags the New York team off, like a professional business man would. He is just so much in the bitter barn that he is spinning decorative baskets out of wheat!

Back in London, Mark Wright’s team don’t win the task. He brings Lauren and Daniel into the board room. He and Daniel literally have an actual literal total married tiff. These two just need to go back to the house and hump, already.

Ultimately, Lauren is fired due to her eulogy-esque pitch in New York, but its ok because she wears a really nice scarf on the cab ride home.

– A

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2 thoughts on “The Apprentice S10 E7: “We’ve got passion fruit, guava and dragonfly”

  1. I’m beginning to enjoy these more than the actual episodes of The Apprentice, and the same with MIC. Absolutely hilarious, keep it up! 🙂

  2. Pingback: The Apprentice X 3 | Drew Drawls...

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