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My only prediction from last week was that hot Dr Leah would win! So – did she?

The Apprentice: Season 9; Episode 12

APPRENTICE FINAL 10

The episode opens with our finalists lounging around in their nightwear; but there is not a hint of lace, or silk, or a pillow fight in sight. Not a HINT! These are high-powered businesswomen here. They wear onesies to bed…like the boys from One Direction.

For the first time ever, they are sent to a location to meet Lord Sugar that will actually be relevant later on in the episode. Number one, Marrrrrraaaalleeeeeyyybooooone. This is where they will be in 3 days time to lauch their businesses. Luisa and Dr Leah shoot off to phone their fellow candidates to get them to come back and work for them. They battle it out to get Alex on their team (I don’t know why either) and Dr Leah wins. She also recruits Myles, APPRENTICE FINAL 8Francesca and Uzma. Luisa sort of gets the rejects, in the form of Zee and Natalie. Frankly, I’d of asked Jordan over Zee!!!! He could have brought his special secret private extra business partner with him. She also brings Jason and Neil on board. Also, why did no-one get Jaz involved? She barely got a look in with her one episode appearance and she replies to my tweets so I want her back. AND Sophie for that matter.

Anyway, this isn’t about me.

Luisa is briefing her team. She says she wants to invent new things for her bakery business – like tins, utensils and colours. So she’s going to invent a new colour? The laws of physics are going out the window here! They throw some names around, including Master Baker. Do I really need to point out the obvious flaw in THAT name? Then they go and see a woman named Peggy Portion. You can’t make this shit up!

APPRENTICE FINAL 3Dr Leah wants to call her cosmetic surgery group SKIN but spelt backwards with the K around the wrong way, essentially naming it NIKS. I can see what she’s trying to do with this, but the consensus is that everyone hates it and it develops into being called N.I.K.S Medical which rolls off the tongue as easily as a sticky nut. She wants clinical, she’s got it.

Luisa meanwhile has, as her logo, a cartoon of herself with a tray of pink fairy cakes. This doesn’t really translate given that she is attempting to be a manufacturer, whilst her logo/design is very much in the style of Cake Baby from “Bridesmaids”. I see what she’s trying to do here but it ain’t cutting the mustard. We do all love a nice bit of cake though, don’t we!

The theme of both womens’ TV commercials is, essentially, themselves. They are the faces of their business. They’re the stars. This makes me slightly less guilty about having my own face plastered all over my blog. Sell yourself – that’s the lesson here. Which they both do – they spread the charisma on thick for their TV ads, whilst behind the scenes APPRENTICE FINAL 6Luisa is scaring small children and Dr Leah is telling people to hand her a stethoscope NOW!

The next day is the pitch. Luisa’s piping bags make a much sought after appearance, having last shown up on our screens in episode 6. It’s been too long that we’ve seen these. Her presentation is very very pink, consequently alienating heterosexual men (apparently).

Luisa’s pitch is sweet and in her ad she looks a bit like she’s auditioning for the cookery segment on “Daybreak”. There are a couple of kids in the commercial, which have a fleeting appearance at the end of the segment as Luisa strolls over to them and slides a cream-laden cake across the counter in front of them. She doesn’t actually APPRENTICE FINAL 4acknowledge her fake children at all though which suggests she is the ice queen of the baking community. She evidently cottons on to this as she bursts into tears the minute she gets off stage. I think this is just an excuse for her to hug Neil.

Cue the Enya music for Dr Leah’s pitch. In comes Fran, in a white leotard, twirling a ribbon and skipping around the stage. She is performing an interpretive dance of how Lord Sugar would feel should be hire Dr Leah.

Dr Leah enters and gives her pitch. It’s obviously effective as there’s a shot of one of the women in the audience fingering their lips, clearly feeling that they are inadequately plump. One woman in the audience dares to suggest that Dr Leah doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Dr Leah responds with “i would absolutely disagree with you (you bitch)”.

Time for the final boardroom. Both teams are very complimentary and everyone actually has a ruddy good laugh APPRENTICE FINAL 7(even Karren and Nick) and the atmosphere is, frankly, delightful. Lord Sugar suggests that Luisa tone down the pink, which is a backhanded stab at Natalie’s day-glow dress.

At this point I am still rooting for Dr Leah but it has to be said, Luisa has won me over. Kudos to her for getting into the final two. There’s a bit of tension over which way Lord S will go. Will he go the “easier” route and invest in baking, with its safer merchandise but trickier potential for high profit? Or will he risk being seen as a buyer into the world of vanity with Dr Leah’s surgery? He risks it: Dr Leah is hired! She nearly hugs Luisa but then doesn’t, lest she seem emotional, and we all know that a successful cosmetic business has no place for smile creases or the after-effects of tear-duct moisture.

Dr Leah then walks from the building to Lord Sugar’s car with what can only be described as a spring in her step. And I miss The Apprentice already!

– A

APPRENTICE FINAL 5

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