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So last night I tweeted Lucy Watson from Made In Chelsea. I logged on to Twitter around midnight, where she was having a bit of a barney with Tara Keeney (Jamie’s new barely-legal girlfriend) following the events of last night’s episode. One wonders if they are slipped a little extra cash by E4 to be at the ready on Twitter after each episode airs so they can have little digs at each another to ramp up the off-screen drama. I think this might be the case, and that Lucy and Tara were aMIC S5E3 1ctually sitting in a hotel suite somewhere in silk nighties having some sort of gal-pal slumber party, drinking champagne and tweeting each other from across the room, whilst simultaneously laughing about how they are deceiving the nation. The reason I think this is the case is that I tweeted Lucy, asking her to follow me, which she didn’t do. Naturally, then, she was too busy and she will probably follow me back later. Yeah, later. Yeah.

How well did I do with my predictions for this week’s episode then? Let’s have a look, shall we?

Louise descends from Edinburgh and meets Spencer on a bridge where he shouts in her face (YES); Louise will finally dump his ass (YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES); Tara will surely be written out by the end of the episode OR will find out Jamie is a commitment-phobe and run off with Andy (NO…BUT I AM ACTUALLY OK WITH THIS AS SHE SEEMS TO BE ADDING TO THE DRAMA SO LET’S KEEP HER AROUND A BIT LONGER); Lucy will continue to prove she is not a robot (YES…BECAUSE SHE’S NOT. SHE IS A GODDESS); Binky and Cheska will have another head-to-head (NO, BUT CHESKA BITCHED ABOUT BINKY SO THAT’S WORTH HALF A POINT I THINK). 3.5/5 – Pretty good, I’d say.

MIC: SEASON 5; EPISODE 3    (which I had to annoyingly watch on 4OD because my digi-box didn’t record it! My cat Cali kept trying to steal my pencil)

It’s London Fashion Week, girlfriend! So Victoria has unearthed her horrid, horrid jacket which looks like it has been adapted from Duran Duran’s old wardrobe. It’s a bit like a shell suit with tassels. She and Mark-Francis are shopping for new clothes (probably a good idea) and Victoria uses the phrase “watch out bitch!” The two are anticipating the excitement that Fash Week will bring. Mark-Francis talks about after-after parties and tells Vic that they’re not “going to be getting much sleep this week”. I think he is coming on to her, in a twist of fate. We sort of also learn in this scene that Mark-Francis enjoys doing acid (the drug, not the corrosive substance).

Binky can’t pour tea (apparently tMIC S5E3 2he skill involves going to finishing school, which she did not). Over said tea, Lucy tells Binks that she kissed Jamie on the ski trip in the hot tub. Its times like this that I ask myself where the camera crew and the producers were when this happened? Last week we got a cringe-worthy encounter between Jamie and Phoebe in the hot tub which had all the sexual-tension of a famer and his cattle prod. Yet we MISS seeing Lucy and Jamie getting it on under the soap suds. Why? Binky then refers to the tea they are drinking as “cupid juice”. I thought that was semen, no?

At Jamie and Proudlock’s house, they try to be manly by tossing a rugby ball about whilst only wearing dressing gowns and moon boots. It’s not manly; it’s actually pretty gay. Spencer pops by and declares that he doesn’t like the person Louise has MADE him become – i.e. a cheating bastard. Frankly, I feel for him, the poor lamb. How dare Louise turn him into that by loving him and taking him back after a multitude of infidelity incidents? What a bitch.

Louise is seen marching down a street carrying a Mary Poppins bag and pretending to hail a cab.

MIC S5E3 5Phoebe pretends she is on the phone and that she has been invited to loads of fashion shows. We see her exiting Tatler with a load of shopping bags that are probably empty. At the fashion shows, Proudlock has front row seats (because he designs shit T-Shirts I presume). At an after party, Boy George seems to descend the stairs, followed by Phoebe who has changed into her Scottish Widow outfit.

Ashley and Ollie have a hideously awkward conversation about the gay porn she has found in his DVD collection. This conversation is nearly as bad as the one they had a couple of weeks ago when Ollie asked her if he was good in bed and she didn’t really answer. They discuss that well known classic “Dream on Straight Boy” and Ashley seems confused about Ollie liking men. She obviously didn’t watch Seasons 1-4.

Louise is now seen marching with her Mary Poppins bag along a bridge, where she meets Spencer. He dumps her. She says she should have dumped him months ago. Err, yeah, Louise, obvs. He smirks in her face. She calls him a sociopath (THAT’S the word I’ve been looking for all this time, to sum him up). He reprimands her for “allowing him to cheat on her”. She marches off Mary Poppins-style one way, and he walks off the other, attempting to button up his jacket, but he’s too fat.

Andy has been to Boston. No-one cares!MIC S5E3 3

Spencer says he is “over it” with reference to Louise. He is over it as quickly as he is able to get “under” token sluts.

Jamie pretends that he doesn’t recall kissing Lucy, even though he does and he did.

Rosie throws a party, where Proudlock and Andy wear heinous blazers.

Tara, I’ve decided, looks like Claudia Winkleman. I can’t work her out. She seems almost sleepy and lethargic all of the time. Nonetheless, we find out she is still in SCHOOL because she is 18!!!!! OMGeeeeeeeee! Lucy discovers this with great glee in a rather awkward interchange between her, 18-year-old Claudia Winkleman and Jamie. Jamie is clearly panicking as he knows full well that he tongued Lucy. Apparently he and Claudia W have been together since October. That was last season. Why was she not in it then? WHY?!

Across the room, Spencer and Phoebe undress each other with their eyes, but there’s no time for all that. No, no, no! Louise makes sure of that, when she marches in once more, and announces that it has been brought to her attention that Spencer cheated on her AGAIN. This time in Louise’s bed! I mean, THAT is the epitome of devastation surely! I have two questions about this: 1) Why did it happen in her bed, not his own bed? 2) Again, where was the film crew?

Predication for next week: Ollie reveals that he has slept with/wants to sleep with the new slimy ginger boy we see in the clip for episode 4; we find out that Spencer DID cheat on Louise in her bed but we will not be at all surprised; Cheska and Binky will talk to each other – they HAVE to, it’s just not right; Lucy will tell Claudia Winkleman about the hot tub incident with Jamie; Jamie will manipulate Claudia Winkleman into thinking Lucy is a lying robot.

MIC S5E3 4

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2 thoughts on “Made In Chelsea S5E3: Cheska loves porn!

  1. Pingback: Vic-Twit! | Drew Drawls...

  2. Pingback: Made In Chelsea S5E4: “You are an embarrassment to social situations!” | Drew Drawls...

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