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Dear readers.SAUNA

It occurred to me that I’ve been a bit quiet across the month of February. I haven’t vanished to a remote hut in the Chapultepec Forest, I’ve just been a bit chaotic. That makes me sound like I’ve gone off the rails. No. Just busy. I hate when people say “I’m just SO busy right now” or “Sorry, I’ve been manically busy.” It infers that they are basically TOO busy to give YOU the time of day. That’s why I am telling you that I’ve been chaotic. I wouldn’t want to alienate my “fans”.

Anyway, stuff’s gone on. I have sent a pilot script of mine off to some agents and one of them seems quite keen. I am obsessed with “Dexter”. I bought a new ski outfit last Friday. I am currently refusing to pay for a £128 parking fine. I ran a half marathon around Dorney Lake last weekend. I realised that “Piranha 3DD” isn’t a good film.

Anyway, more to come. For example, I’ve been knuckling under with my Project 2/9. But for now, here’s 12 things that I have said in the last week or so:

1)      What the fuck is that used Kit-Kat wrapper doing on my desk?

2)      We all know it’s pointless to be at a wedding unless you’re in some way involved in the wedding party.

3)      If you choose to kiss someone unattractive rather than kiss me, that’s not my problem.

4)      Why can’t I pay for that with a credit card? What is this? Russia?

5)      I’m sick of you gays.

6)      Well you know where I am if you want to be non-erratic together sometime.

7)      If you’d of walked in a minute earlier, you would have seen me equally as naked.

8)      Last time I went there, they made me pee in a cup.

9)      So what’s the deal with bailiffs? Do they come round and chuck a brick through your window…?

10)   Take me to your steam room.

11)   She is literally wearing a blancmange.

12)   Ok, I can’t fight it any longer. I’m going to have to decontaminate my workspace.

– – A

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